Sometimes I like to go to Yahoo.com and see what the top four news stories of the moment are. Today they are thus:
1. How Kim told her Mom about the Divorce–I love how Kim Kardashian has achieved “One Name Fame,” like she’s Kanye or Michael (Jackson or Jordan depending on generation and interest, I guess) or Ellen or JLo (the last is a bit of a cheat, but you get it). I imagine screaming “What has she done to deserve this?!” from the roof of my house is either disingenuous or ignorant; the equivalent of my father maintaining, to this day, that rap requires no talent. Still, what the fuck?
2. Justin Denies Fathering a Child: When I first saw this, I thought they menat Timberlake, and I thought to myself, “That doesn’t seem like his style.” That’s not to say that he wouldn’t knock a girl up, but deny it? He’d high-five his way through the TMZ offices. But then I realized it was Bieber, and I lterally wondered if he was capable of maintaining an erection long enough to successfully make a baby. That’s churlish and inappropriate, I guess. Marionettes have feelings too. Also, just the firt name again? He’s that big? (That’s what she said…)
3. Shoes Every Woman Needs: Sigh. They are pretty.
4. Kardashian’s Curious Outfit: Her again? What the hell? The outfit is weird, I guess, but I’m wearing galoshes and a miniskirt as I type this (right hand to God) and Yahoo McTrendergoogle isn’t up in my shit taking pictures.
So, here’s my question: are people really interested in this stuff, or is Yahoo paid a kickback, or is it just the pressure of a constantly changing 24 hour news-crawl to keep up a steady trickle of meaningless piss until real news hits? Or, and this is the worst-case scenario: does Yahoo monitor our family’s internet history and tailor the news to us? IS THIS WHAT I LIKE? I’ve been reading that people are very poor judges of their own interests and capabilities. Am I a checkout line gossip whore and didn’t know it?
I just read over this post. Pretty thin pabulum, what say? Almost like I have nothing of any real interest to say.
What I’m really doing is wasting time because I’m not entirely sure where the story I’m writing is going next. I have this problem a lot. I imagine lots of people do. I’m really at the point where I need to start wrapping things up but I’m afraid that it’ll suck. There’s too many threads! No wonder short story writers always go for the ambiguous ending. It’s not really smarter, it’s just easier.
And the woman stood in the snow, and waved at the snowman. She waved and waved and knew that eventually the snowman would wave back, as long as she just kept waving. It would work this time. It had to.
See? I made that ending up right the fuck now and it’s perfect for the fictional story that doesn’t exist yet that I just wrote in my head. Why? Because it’s absolutely meaningless. All you need is a woman, and winter. Make her do whatever you want. As long as you can steer her out into her yard at the end of the story, bam!, instant grad-school-writing-program-Raymond-Carver would be proud ending. Solid gold.
However, when you’re really into wrapping shit up, satisfyingly and even profoundly, it gets messy. I don’t know, it’s obviously why so many endings are unsatisfying and some are such stinky turds that they stain the rest of the what came before with the shit brown tones of compromise and failure.
What do you think? What’s the worst ending you’ve ever endured? An ending that ruined everything else? I’ll go with the finale of Life on Mars. I felt date-raped afterwards. Leave a comment!